i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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