So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
