i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
