Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
