It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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