So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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