This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
