Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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