God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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