Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
