I wish I could teleport
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
