I want to make a zoo with you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
