at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
