Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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