So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
