Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
