I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
