remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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