I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
