Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
