It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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