There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
