I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
