The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
