i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
