my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
