Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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