You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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