I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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