The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
