is your mom at the bar?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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