i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
