Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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