Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
