Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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