Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
