let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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