Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Two words: blizzard sex
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
