I'm gonna have a badass scar
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
