i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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