I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
