Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
