i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
