id be glad to
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
