dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
