I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
