I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
