Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
