I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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