We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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