i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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