I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
