I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Holy shit dude........stairs
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