I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
