You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
