I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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