Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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