i need an iv and a liver transplant
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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