you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize