Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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