why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My ATM looks so different sober.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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