Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
how drunk are you?
Several
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
