What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
