Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
