Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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