saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
