i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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