i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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