So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
