he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
