if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
