fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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