I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
