Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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