Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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