I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
